My Thoughts

Brian has been getting on my about my lack of blog posts lately-its true that I haven't been posting as regularly as I was during our time as DAs but it has forced Brian to step up and write more so at least updates are still being made.
I would like to share my thoughts about where I am right now- I think the benefit of blogging even though we have a million other things we could be doing is to force ourselves to take some time to reflect. We move so fast in this program going from one amazing and challenging experience to another that sometimes its hard not having some time to think about the time and what I learned and how it relates to everything I have experience and learned so far in my life, where I am at right now, and to what lies ahead.

Like I have said so many times now, this program is FAST. During the first week we were so busy and when it was over Anthony said "these next two weeks are really busy so get ready". I thought to myself 'really busy? then what do you call this week?!' but it was true, the pace picked up once again. Soon it was time for our first fundraising trip and off we went to Atlanta. At the end of the first week I was so exhausted. I felt like I gave it all I could give and yet I knew I had to figure out some way to muster up enough energy to do another week. And I did. I'm not sure how- definitely with help from my amazing and supportive team and of course the love and support of Brian. Once it was over I was so relieved- I made it, we made it. We survived and really did a good job. We worked hard as a team and problem solved and we exceeded our goals. I was so happy to get back to IICD and the same time, I knew that we wouldn't be able to relax right away. Not only did we have the Young Detroit Builders coming, we also had the school from Denmark and the 14 new people that arrived for the new Africa team that was starting. Where I went wrong was in thinking that we would have time to relax at all, as we soon found out that we were to leave for Detroit on Monday for an Action Week with the clothes collection (where we currently are).

I think the news was a big blow to our whole team. I for sure was really struggling with it. I wasn't confident that it was good use of our time as, on top of being exhausted, I also was panicking at the realization that we were over half way done with our training period and would be leaving IICD in only a little over one month.
Then on top of all of these strong emotions, my phone got stolen. It was really the straw that broke the camels back. I had gone in during one of the breaks to text my dad to set up a skype date and ran out to get back to the program. I ran back in 5 min later and it was gone. Once I realized it was stolen and not just missing I used Brian's phone to call my dad and immediately began crying- I hid in the boiler room with Ana and just cried and cried. I think I really needed to vent.

It was already taking everything I had and more to hold myself together and to try to enjoy the amazing opportunity to spend time with YDB and now with my phone gone and having this horrible feeling of being betrayed and knowing that someone I was supposed to be sharing and learning with had taken my personal belonging as well as $50 of our team money that was in the desk drawer- I was spent.
The next couple of days I could hardly keep myself together- anytime anyone asked me about the phone or brought up the fact that we were leaving on Monday for Detroit I just started crying. What a mess I was!
We eventually got the phone back, after the YDB left we found out more information about who it was- thanks to Brian's facebook usage investigation skills and the fact that there were two two-dollar bills in the money that had been stolen which anyone from the US knows how rare that is but people not from the US but from, lets say, Denmark don't think twice about, especially when there are two of them in one pile of money.

Luckily for me it got resolved because I really hated the feeling of living amongst someone who stole something from me. Its one thing if its a stranger, not that stealing is ever ok, but I just couldn't understand how they could live with themselves, walking around, talking to me, even going as far as to act concerned with the fact that it was missing, when all along they have it. I really really hope that out of this situation and the process of getting it returned (it involved a lot of really forward meetings between me and Brian and the kids as a whole group) they learned something about the importance of being able to interact in a positive way with the people around you and to represent yourself and your peers in a positive manner with dignity.

With that behind us, we moved on. Monday we left for Detroit, I was feeling a little more excited about it since I had Sunday to relax and I had conversations to help me understand more about the importance of this time in Detroit. We had spoken the Young Detroit Builders who have a house that they fixed up through their program that is on the market that they have offered us to stay in. There is no furniture or appliances in it but we have heat, hot water, and our sleeping bags and we are really, really grateful for the nice place to stay and the experience of staying in neighborhood unlike the suburbs in which Brian and I have lived our entire lives.

Brian described some of the tasks we have been doing and I think we have all gotten a lot out of this experience both in our work with the clothes collection, in our accommodations, etc.

So, my thoughts about all of it: I am continually shocked when I able to find energy from somewhere or nowhere when I feel completely drained. I am so excited and grateful for the opportunity to experience so many new circumstances, challenges, and learning opportunities that I may have never experienced otherwise. I am looking forward to finishing our fundraising and to try to fundraise extra for the project, I am excited to continue our training and to start really getting prepared for our investigation trip and for our time in Belize, and I am anxious to see how much further I can push myself, what other challenges lie ahead, and all of the new people I will continue to meet.