Where I Need to Be

These past few days have offered opportunities for some truly amazing conversations both between just Brian and me, as well as with some of the staff here at IICD. It has offered a much needed reflection of why I have ended up where I am right now. I don't say 'much needed' because I was doubting whether I should be here, but just the opposite of that- because I have been feeling that this is exactly where I should be.
It is really refreshing to be in an environment that promotes individualism but within a community- where people are appreciated for their own knowledge and ideas and talents and that everyone shares and contributes with everyone. No one is worried about protecting their good ideas out of fear of someone else making money off them, instead we all share and learn together as we do it. No one is exempt from hard work and yet by everyone contributing a little bit, we all  have plenty of delicious, nutritious food to eat, a beautiful building and campus that is becoming more sustainable and self reliant, and we are able to give so much to others.
Everyone is challenged physically, emotionally, intellectually, and in every other way you could possibly be challenged. And we all support one another in embracing those challenges, knowing this is the only way to learn, and to grow. This is truly an environment for thriving, not just living.
Its a challenge even to accept the challenges for what they are- to realize that even the littlest of things is truly an opportunity to change and to want that change. Change is almost always scary, and almost never easy. Every day I am here I feel not just accepting of these challenges but welcoming of them, wanting them, awaiting them, and to be so very thankful for them. Rather than avoiding certain situations and taking the route that is comfortable, I am searching for the unknown, for the things I have never tried and never wanted to try.


I found a spider smushed and stuck to the bottom of my foot, inside my sock that I had been wearing all day and laughed-yes laughed about it! In the same 24 hour period I had a huge wolf spider hitch a ride on my towel and join me in my shower, and tried to pick a scab off of Brian's back not realizing it was a tic, and then removed the tic, pulling it out and being painfully aware that it was a living thing that was half way inside of his skin and half out. Completely disgusting. I have had to cook meals for large groups of people who all have different tastes, being terrified of burning it, not making enough, making way too much, and making something completely disgusting.
One of the biggest challenges I have faced while being here so far is the constantly changing environment. Usually I am a little shy and reserved when I first meet people, and I look forward to spending time with them as a group and as individuals and that is when I become more confident, more comfortable, and start to open up and show more of who I am. Here, groups of people are arriving and leaving ALL of the time. The groups are always changing, not allowing me to do my normal adaptation routine. I am having to work on getting to a place where I can feel comfortable in all different groups with different dynamics, much faster than I am used to. Sometimes it is me and 5 Korean girls, or me and a bunch Brazilians- sometimes its a huge group and other times its only 3 or 4 people.
These situations also challenge me to face stereotypes-some that I knew I had, and others I am just now becoming aware of. This too is quite an interesting process. Often when I think of stereotypes it is a negative thing. There is good reason for this of course, because stereotypes are generalizations and you just can't put everyone into any one group. I thought that stereotypes were all bad, and therefore must all be wrong. While I don't want to generalize and I always want to remember that there are exceptions and contradictions to EVERYTHING in life, it is funny to come face to face with a stereotype, ready to move past it because I believe it must be false, only to find that it is actually true in many cases! It is then a whole other challenge to move forward with this finding in a compassionate, understanding, and loving way. This requires some processing of course.
There is really nothing routine or ordinary about the life we are living for the next year and not even two weeks in, I can tell that this will be an experience to remember.